Jealousy

Sometimes you feel that sting...the pain of dark emotions. You may hide it from the rest of the world but it still makes you mind turn into a dark black hole that can be very hard to get out of.

Its so stupid, cause you don't own another person, you cant put any claims on him or her....all you can do is hope they will love you back and stay faithful.

Still, emotions you cant control, you can only keep them inside and hide them from the outside world and not let anyone know how you feel.

The same with sadness, you can hide your tears and only cry alone....but you cant stop your soul from feeling the feelings.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have any emotions. That I wasn't plagued by feelings...cause I have to many feelings and they tend to overwhelm me all the time. I wish I could go through a week and not feel....not feel pain, fear, jealousy, anger, sadness......the downside is that I wouldn't feel joy or love either....but right now.....I think that would be better.

Going through my life....looking at the major events that lead to today has been so painful and it has opened up so many things I had successfully put the lid on. My dreams are killing me and the flashbacks will destroy me if I cant get them in check soon. I´m ready to crawl back into my closet and hide....but I know that if I do I may never come back out.

I fight to stay above the surface....and as usual I don't tell anyone.....I don't ask for help and I try my best to hide how bad I feel. Since very few read this I still dare to open up here.....I have to let it out.....reveal to myself how I feel.....it may help in the long run.