Ready

I´m ready to go, take that step on the new road that I have not walked before.

Scary? Yes....maybe a little....but not scared....make sense? I usually don't.

Its scary to take a step into the unknown....but I´m not scared, I look forward to begin the rest of my life.

Almost Christmas, air traffic in Europe has been put at a standstill all weekend...better work like a charm to morrow...or I will have really messy kids.

Looking forward to Christmas though...for the first time.

Exited, anxious, nervous

Those words say almost the same thing....but still they are separate and specific for specific emotions.

There was a time that I was sure you could only feel one of them at the time.....now I know its wrong...I feel all of them at the same time....and more.

3 more days and I leave for the holiday and I´m basically climbing the walls. I cant wait to get into his arms and feel them wrapped around me. I have waited for a long time to feel and now I feel to much....

Taking my kids over the Atlantic ocean is a huge step and its not without cost but I have a feeling it will be something I treasure for the rest of my life....and hopefully we will still feel the same after meeting in real life....and then it will be the beginning of the rest of my life (sorry our life's).

Right now he has no access to Internet....making it hard to talk....but knowing its just a few more days makes it possible to endure. (I think)

I´m flipping out, going nuts (more nuts than I am normally) and I just feel that time isn't moving hardly at all...the days are so so long and the nights.......

Holidays

This is the season to be jolly, isn't that the expression?

Well this season isn't my favourite one. Its full of bad memory's and always leaves me with a feeling of being all alone in the world.

I make an effort though, every year...for the kids. Just so they can have a different feeling about Christmas when they grow up...not sure if I will succeed but I am trying.

Christmas as an adult is in a way slightly better, but after the kids gotten their gifts...they are off to play and I´m sitting there, alone and feeling kind of empty.

Might be different this year though....

This year I´m going away for Christmas, will spend it with other adults and hopefully I wont sit alone by my computer all Christmas.....I hope (or actually feel pretty certain of it)

No one will be drunk and hopefully there will be smiles and joy. Not going to be the traditional Swedish Christmas that we are used to but I look at that as something good, an adventure and a new start.

Life can be so hard and it can be so horribly cold if you spend it alone.

They say, "No man is an Island" and I´m finally starting to understand that expression.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.

Especially not now that I have fallen in love.....I want a future, I want love and I want to start that new life today.....but I have to wait a week and a half.....and its killing me......

But....I believe this will be a Christmas without tears.