Will I?

Someone very smart told me a thing today.....he said that all of my posts has one thing in common, that is to survive.

He is very smart.....one of the smartest people I know (and he is really cute to) and I value what he says.

And...I guess he is right....he usually is....

But...and there is always a but with me...can I? Will I?

I know one thing....I am trying.....

As usual it comes down to the same old question....is that enough?

So far I have survived.....I have survived a lot....but it is not without a cost.

The scars are there, some of them are not even scars....they are infected wounds that starts bleeding as soon as you touch them just a little.

Family is one of those wounds. I love my family, they are dysfunctional but they are my family.

I need them, but somehow they have never been there for me. I wish that they could love me for me...and not just for what I can do for them.

For the money they can loan or the help I can provide. But they never did and I´m beginning to think they never will. Some way or another i have to heal that wound, turn it into a scar instead of a puss-infected deep cut that keeps making me feel worthless.

Its time to move on (not that I have a clue as of how to do it but still) and move forward.

Its time for me to get a life that treats me well. For some reason i have a feeling I will be writing this again....and again.....until I find a way to leave it behind.

Its so stupid though......I usually tell everyone that they deserve love, that they deserve happiness, so how come I have such a hard time taking my own advise? It is a good one.....